I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
