I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
we're making bets on your personal life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
