i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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