Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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