I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
