p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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