Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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