he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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