but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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