I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
