Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
