There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Randomize