Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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