Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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