can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
