The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
