My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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