I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
