i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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