Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
