Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i now understand why vodka
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
