ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
