Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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