ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
