Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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