Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
