last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
