I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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