3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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