The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
