You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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