I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
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