Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I need a beard to bite.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
