were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize