I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
