Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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