I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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