you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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