Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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