I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
It's not a walk of shame if you run
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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