Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
