This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
there is glitter all over my balls
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
