apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
