Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You are the jesus of drinking
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
