I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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