I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I looked at my own cervix.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
