You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
