I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
