I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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