I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize