i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
