this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
