i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
