Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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