someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
