How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
