i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
