i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
