I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
