She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
