yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
