After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
